Unfulfilled Yearnings of Individuals Seeking Approval: The Perplexing Puzzle of Unreciprocated Affection.
Personal Struggle: The Burden of People-Pleasing
For years, author Ilene S. Cohen believed that being kind, agreeable, and selfless was the key to winning love and acceptance from others. She found herself tiptoeing around destructive behaviors, constantly avoiding anything that might label her as imperfect or unlikeable.
Cohen's pursuit of love/acceptance led her to silent endurance of ongoing invalidation, often taking the brunt of someone else's dissatisfaction or negativity. Despite her happiness waning, she continued to prioritize her perceived role as a problem-solver and source of happiness for others.
This one-sided relationship pattern left Cohen feeling disrespected, violated, and disconnected from herself, others, and life. A dream finally compelled her to question her beliefs and behaviours, prompting self-reflection.
Cohen realized she was not gaining the love and acceptance she desired through selfless giving and kindness. Instead, people seemed to take advantage of her generosity, relying on her to address their own issues, leaving her feeling inadequate and stressed out.
Eventually, Cohen understood that pleasing others isn't the pathway to love and respect. Maintaining others' anxiety became a prominent characteristic of her relationships, preventing the recipients from solving their own problems.
People-pleasing can have lasting effects on self-worth and relationships. By constantly prioritizing others' needs, an individual can experience eroded self-esteem, emotional exhaustion, and struggle with setting boundaries. Additionally, people-pleasing can lead to resentment within relationships and hinder the formation of authentic bonds.
Cohen encourages individuals to change their perceptions, beliefs, and behaviours to break free from the people-pleasing cycle. It is essential to celebrate self-love and respect to receive the love and appreciation desired from others.
by Ilene S. Cohen
Ilene S. Cohen has graciously offered two free copies of her latest book, "When It's Never About You: The People-Pleaser's Guide to Reclaiming Your Health, Happiness, and Personal Freedom". If you find yourself putting others' wants and needs ahead of your own, leading to feelings of ignored, disrespected, or disconnected, this book may resonate with you. To enter to win one of two free copies, leave a comment below.
- In her personal journey, Ilene S. Cohen discovered that prioritizing happiness, self-development, and personal growth can foster better relationships and Lawrence, not people-pleasing and constant problem-solving for others.
- Embracing education-and-self-development, relationships based on respect and authenticity, and a lifestyle focused on personal happiness can empower individuals to break free from the draining cycle of people-pleasing, leading to healthier and more fulfilling lives.
