Those involved in tallying points within relationships may find themselves more prone to eventual dissatisfaction.
In a groundbreaking study, psychologists have found that approaching romantic partnerships like a balance sheet, focusing on reciprocity and appreciation for favours, can lead to declining satisfaction over time.
The study, which used data from the German Family Panel, followed more than 7,000 couples in Germany for 13 years to understand the impact of keeping mental tallies of give-and-take. The results showed that over time, most people naturally became less exchange-oriented as bonds deepened, but those who clung to transactional thinking saw their relationship satisfaction erode more steeply.
Psychologists refer to this as an exchange orientation, which is the belief that sacrifices for a partner should be reciprocated. The opposite of an exchange orientation is a communal orientation, where partners give freely without expecting repayment. The study found that the less emphasis on payback from either partner, the better the relationship tended to be.
The study's findings suggest that keeping score isn't just a reaction to relationship struggles, but can foreshadow them. Short-term changes in exchange orientation can lead to a drop in satisfaction, both immediately and two years later. Whether both partners kept score or just one, relationship quality dipped.
The study's conclusions emphasize that partners should strive to meet each other's needs and desires with no strings attached. Mainstream relationship advice focusing on making relationships 'equal' should consider the emotional mindset behind it, as couples who approach division of labor as a tit-for-tat arrangement may be setting themselves up for long-term dissatisfaction.
The study found that when an individual's exchange orientation increases, their future relationship satisfaction decreases. The more transactional the mindset, the less happy the relationship. The authorship of the study article investigating the effects of considering 'effort equality' in relationships is not identified in the provided search results.
The study complicates how we think about fairness in love, suggesting that constant vigilance in measuring whether one's partner has given enough erodes intimacy. The study found that the opposite of an exchange orientation is a communal orientation, where partners give freely without expecting repayment. This approach seems to foster a more satisfying relationship.
The study also found that the more transactional the mindset, the less happy the relationship. The data did not support the theory that couples with matching mindsets might fare better. Instead, the less emphasis on payback from either partner, the better the relationship tended to be.
In conclusion, the new study offers valuable insights into maintaining satisfying relationships. It suggests that rather than keeping score, partners should focus on meeting each other's needs freely and without expectation of immediate reciprocation. This approach may lead to a more fulfilling and intimate relationship over time.
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