Overindulgencein Pleasing Others at Work: Unveiling the Concealed Expenses of Being a 'Yes' Person
In the workplace, it's essential to create an environment that fosters understanding and support, especially for those who may exhibit fawning behavior due to past traumatic experiences, such as domestic abuse. Fawning is a trauma response where someone tries to appease others to avoid conflict or harm, often learned in abusive relationships.
To help a colleague who is fawning, the key is to offer consistent support, understanding, and a safe environment while encouraging professional help. Here are some key ways to help:
- Create a safe, non-judgmental work atmosphere: A fawner may feel pressured and fear negative consequences, so it's crucial to provide a space where they can express themselves without fear. Recognizing and addressing fawning behaviors, such as over-apologizing or saying yes even when uncomfortable, can help avoid reinforcing their fear-based responses.
- Be patient and empathetic: Understand that their behavior stems from trauma and not from intentional weakness or manipulation. Showing compassion and understanding can help them feel supported and encouraged to seek help.
- Encourage seeking trauma-informed professional support: Therapy with specialists in domestic abuse, trauma bonding, or complex trauma is crucial for healing and learning healthier coping mechanisms. Offering resources discreetly, such as contacts for domestic violence hotlines, counseling services, or mental health professionals skilled in trauma, can provide them with the help they need.
- Respect boundaries: Do not push them to share more about their abuse history than they want, but let them know support is available. Respecting their boundaries is essential in helping them feel safe and in control.
- Offer resources discreetly: Providing resources such as contacts for domestic violence hotlines, counseling services, or mental health professionals skilled in trauma can help them take the first step towards healing.
In summary, your role is to provide emotional safety and encouragement toward professional healing pathways, rather than trying to "fix" trauma responses yourself. This helps coworkers regain their autonomy and self-worth gradually.
References:
- Fawning is a trauma response to please and prevent conflict, often rooted in abuse dynamics.
- Supportive, trauma-informed understanding and professional help are recommended for healing.
- Fawning can become an ingrained, harmful behavior and is associated with anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
- Dr. Ingrid Clayton's book "Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves - and How to Find the Way Back" explains why people sometimes please abusive individuals.
- In the realm of health and wellness, promoting mindfulness, skills training, and personal growth are vital factors in creating a more supportive and understanding workplace-wellness culture.
- One area of education and self-development that can greatly benefit from this approach is the detection and handling of fawning behavior, a response often seen in those who have experienced past traumatic events like domestic abuse.
- Food and drink, fashion and beauty, and even cooking can be therapeutic hobbies for individuals seeking a safe space to express themselves and cope with the stress of their traumatic past.
- Encouraging a lifestyle that balances work and play is essential, as career development is not the only avenue for personal growth; mental health is equally important,focusing on self-awareness, self-care, and the cultivation of emotional intelligence.
- Investing in mental-health programs, workshops, and resources within the workplace can help foster an environment where colleagues feel supported and empowered to seek help, leading to a healthier, more productive workforce.
- As we strive to create welcoming, diverse, and inclusive workplaces, understanding and addressing fawning behavior is just one piece of the puzzle in promoting overall health and wellness for all employees.
- By providing a safe, caring, and nurturing environment, we can help colleagues recover from their past traumas and, ultimately, contribute to a thriving community of individuals eager for personal and professional growth.
