Enhancing Resilience: 6 Strategies to Enhance Your Adolescent's Self-Assurance and Resilience against Adversity
Navigating adolescence in today's chaotic world isn't a walk in the park. Teenagers today face issues that previous generations never had to deal with - think climate change, school shootings, and the lingering effects of COVID-19. It's no wonder your kid might feel like they're drowning in a sea of stress. So, how can you, as a parent or caregiver, help your teen build the grit and self-belief they need to thrive?
First, you need to know what you can't do: Promise them a stress-free life. That ship has sailed. But what you can do is show them how to turn the curveballs life throws at them into opportunities. Dr. Ellen Rome, an adolescent medicine specialist, puts it like this: "Parents can help teens build skills and stockpile tools for turning the lemons life hands them into lemonade."
Teaching your children coping skills is the first step. The second is making sure those skills become an integral part of their daily life. Turn self-care and confidence-building activities into habits, and they'll not only navigate day-to-day stress more effectively, but they'll also have the tools to face the toughest moments in their lives head-on.
So, what exactly are coping skills?
If you were to ask most people if they knew what coping skills are, chances are they'd nod yes. But defining them? Not so much. Coping skills are simply the thoughts and behaviors we use to tackle and, in some cases, resolve stressful situations. They can be beneficial or harmful for us. Take substance use, for instance. Using unhealthy coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol only masks the problem, rather than addressing it. By teaching our children healthy ways to manage their feelings and circumstances, we empower them to endure hardships and find solutions to problems.
Problem-based coping vs. emotion-based coping
Coping skills can be categorized into two groups: problem-based and emotion-based. Problem-based coping skills deal directly with the issue at hand, like analyzing the situation, getting organized, delegating tasks, setting boundaries, and leaving unhealthy environments. Emotion-based coping skills, on the other hand, focus on managing the emotions that the problem raises. Examples of emotion-based coping skills include yoga, mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing, and visualizing a "happy place." Encouraging teens to adopt such strategies can help them maintain focus and relaxation.
It's crucial for teens to practice both kinds of coping skills – not just when things go wrong, but all the time. Once they find what works for them, they need to make those activities a habit, so they becomedefaults in response to stress.
Signs your child needs help with coping skills
Every child needs a little extra help now and then when it comes to coping skills. If you notice your child experiencing significant changes in their life, getting into trouble at school, or exhibiting symptoms like frequent nightmares, withdrawal, moodiness, emotional outbursts, difficulty concentrating, changes in eating patterns, loss of interest in hobbies, substance abuse, or perfectionist tendencies, it might be time to offer some additional support.
Building resilience and confidence
Now that you know what coping skills are and how to recognize when your teen needs a helping hand, let's talk about implementation. Dr. Rome offers some practical suggestions for parents wanting to help their teen develop resilience:
1. Cut problems down to size
Problems can sometimes seem insurmountable, especially to a teenager. Help your child break problems down into smaller, more manageable chunks. If they have lots of assignment deadlines looming, suggest creating a schedule or list to tackle each one step by step.
2. Set loving limits – with high expectations
Encourage your kids to work hard to be their best selves. Children tend to rise to our expectations. Commend their efforts rather than focusing on final outcomes. If you must criticize, target a behavior that's within their control. Listening well and validating their feelings will earn you the privilege of continued open communication.
3. Don't romanticize stress
Hustle culture glorifies overwork, exhaustion, and poor mental health. Emphasize the importance of self-care and encourage balance. Self-care isn't selfish; it helps you show up as your best self for the people you care about and achieve your goals.
4. Listen and validate feelings
Instead of trying to convince your teen to feel better or trying to fix the problem, listen to what they have to say. Reflect their feelings and ask clarifying questions. Encouraging healthy coping skills in your daily interactions with your child can help them learn emotional regulation skills and discover their emotional triggers.
5. Encourage contribution
Taking action to make the world a better place feels good. Help your teen find ways to contribute to their community, whether through volunteering, activism, or advocacy. Contributing to meaningful causes builds confidence, character, and a sense of purpose.
6. Model the behavior you want to see
The best way to learn something is to teach it. Show your teen the importance of mental health by prioritizing it yourself. Demonstrate healthy coping skills and open communication. When you prioritize your own mental health, you teach them to prioritize theirs.
What if it isn't working?
If you've tried various strategies to help your teen build resilience, but they're still struggling, it's time to seek professional support. Schedule an appointment with your pediatrician, who can refer you to appropriate resources for further assistance. Remember, it's okay to ask for help – and getting your kid the support they need is the ultimate act of empowerment.
- In today's world, teaching children coping skills is vital for navigating life's challenges, from climate change and school shootings to mental health issues.
- Coping skills are the thoughts and behaviors we use to tackle and resolve stressful situations, and they can be beneficial or harmful.
- Problem-based coping skills deal directly with the issue, while emotion-based coping skills focus on managing the emotions that the problem raises.
- Encouraging teens to adopt healthy coping strategies like yoga, mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing can help them maintain focus and relaxation.
- Signs your child may need extra help with coping skills include significant life changes, trouble at school, and symptoms like frequent nightmares, withdrawal, and moodiness.
- To build resilience, set loving limits, emphasize self-care, listen and validate feelings, encourage contribution, model the behavior you want to see, and don't be afraid to seek professional help if needed.
- Building resilience and coping skills can empower your child to endure hardships, face problems head-on, and thrive in various aspects of their life, such as relationships, education, personal growth, and health and wellness.
